October 27, 2013
As someone who grew up in church (albeit, a very cult-like, detrimental church), I always thought I had faith.
I knew who God was. I knew what He did. I knew what He was capable of doing. I knew what I needed to do.
Or so I thought.
Turns out, I didn’t know any of that at all.
Being able to say I grew up in church, that it was all I had ever known, didn’t mean that I had a relationship with God…or even that I had faith. Especially in a church like the one where I spent my life.
There’s a big difference in religion and faith. I have enough religion for a small tribe. But I didn’t have faith.
Even now, that’s something I find difficult. It’s so hard to take 17 years of brainwashing (I know that may sound extreme, but y’all, I’m not even kidding…there are MANY support groups for ex-members of the church where I was raised. It’s bad, Internet.) and just turn it into something completely different.
How do I tune out the voices telling me I’m doing it wrong? That I’m not worthy of love? That I’m going to hell?
So many times I start out determined to beat those voices, but eventually they wear me down and I’m back to doubting myself and whether or not I’m doing it the right way. And if I can’t do it the right way, why do it at all? It’s a brutal cycle. And it’s one I’m going to break
To be intentional means making deliberate efforts, taking purposeful action, and making it high priority.
And, to me, that’s what faith should be. Intentional. Purposeful. A priority.
Being connected to God through intimate faith doesn’t just happen because we want it to. It takes intentional action and decision.
Growing in faith doesn’t happen without purposeful commitment. And sometimes that means pushing through the fear, the doubt, and the background noise and being intentional about chasing Him. Even if we’re afraid we are doing it wrong.
Especially when we’re afraid we’re doing it wrong.